


There Is Simply Nothing Worse Than Knowing How It Ends

by nightsofsilver



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Casual Sex, Fluff, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Slight Possessiveness, Smut, Top Yoon Jeonghan, lovesick fools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23103793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightsofsilver/pseuds/nightsofsilver
Summary: Joshua puts a hand on his chest and pulls away, frowning.“You’ve never asked me to stay before.”
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 11
Kudos: 111





	There Is Simply Nothing Worse Than Knowing How It Ends

Joshua knocks back a shot and Jeonghan is unable to tear his eyes away from the long line of his neck as he swallows. He really shouldn’t have gotten him that silk burgundy shirt the last time they went out together, but the color suits him (as does everything in Jeonghan’s opinion), and it makes a burst of jealousy flare up low in his chest. 

His heartbeat picks up when Joshua turns to the tall boy next to him, reaching out a hand to lightly touch the other boy’s shoulder as he laughs, a seemingly innocent yet calculated move. Jeonghan doesn’t think he’s been noticed, tucked in a dark corner at the far side of the club, but when the tall boy gets distracted ordering another drink Joshua looks back, dark eyes and sly smirk pointed right in his direction. 

Jeonghan is getting rather predictable these days, the same thoughts running through his head every time he does this, the expression on Joshua’s face the same every time Jeonghan interrupts his conversation with whatever stranger he has been talking to all night. 

It’s a satisfied yet confused expression, like Joshua got what he wanted but is still surprised at the outcome, despite the fact they’ve done this countless times. The night ends like it always does, swollen lips and hands locked tight in the back of a taxi, barely making it up the stairs to Jeonghan’s apartment and into his bed. 

It’s good, but Joshua feels distant even as he gasps Jeonghan’s name and clenches down around Jeonghan’s cock even deep inside of him. Once it’s over Joshua hops out of bed and heads into the bathroom for a shower. It feels so cold without Joshua pressed up against him and a cloud of dread falls over Jeonghan as he sits up.

It’s only to be expected honestly, Jeonghan thinks to himself. How long can they go on like this before Joshua gets bored and moves onto someone else? How long can Jeonghan stand not knowing who Joshua is going home with every night? He tries to say something once Joshua returns, but can’t seem to get the words out as Joshua slides in next to him under the covers. He just pulls Joshua as close as he dares and drifts off before Joshua can protest. 

He is awoken by Joshua stirring in bed next to him. The other boy slides out of his grip and sits up. Jeonghan scrunches up his face but doesn’t open his eyes, it’s far too early to even think about getting up. Joshua sits still for a moment, letting out a deep sigh. Jeonghan feels a soft touch as Joshua brushes his hair back. He wants to lean into the touch but freezes as Joshua whispers a goodbye under his breath. 

It sounds far too final and all of last night’s emotions come running back. He opens his eyes and reaches out a hand as Joshua moves away, pulling the other boy back and down on top of him. 

“Jeonghan?” 

Jeonghan doesn’t answer, pulling Joshua down into a kiss. 

Joshua doesn’t fight it, an amused lilt to his voice as he mutters, “Sorry, can’t stay for round two, I gotta go.” 

“Please don’t,” Jeonghan gasps between kisses, it feels like it’s the only thing keeping Joshua here with him. 

“Please stay.” 

Joshua puts a hand on his chest and pulls away, frowning. 

“You’ve never asked me to stay before.” 

Jeonghan’s eyes well up with tears, Joshua just can’t leave him, he can’t. Sooner or later he is going to stop coming back and the thought nearly breaks Jeonghan’s heart in two. 

“Please Joshua… I can’t go on like this. I know this has never been anything but an endless cycle of one night stands, but after all these years of knowing each other isn’t it possible I could mean something more to you? I can’t help but feel like someday you’re going to leave and never come back, that you’ll find someone new. I-I just… you can’t. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Jeonghan sniffs sadly, “Is it too late to tell you I love you? That I don’t want to share you with anyone else? That I want to fall asleep next to you every night and kiss your stupidly beautiful face every morning? That it’s killing me inside to know that I can’t?” 

Joshua is staring down at him, eyes wide. Jeonghan waits for the final blow, for Joshua to get up, leave, and never come back, but he just sits there, jaw hanging open. 

“I thought you just didn’t like the idea of me fucking someone else because you had me first or something. I… I didn’t know it was more.” 

“Maybe not at the beginning, but for a while. You were always with someone else so I thought you never felt the same way.” 

Joshua’s expression darkens, “When do you think the last time I went home with someone was?” 

“Uh, last week?” 

“Actually, it’s been three weeks. Exactly three weeks.” 

Three weeks ago they had been exactly how they were now, except Jeonghan had never asked Joshua to stay. Hope blooms inside his chest. 

“Really? Would you have gone home with that boy if I hadn’t been there last night?” 

Joshua shakes his head, “No, I haven’t been with anyone else in a long time. I don’t go out nearly as much as I used too, only when I know you’re going out as well. I only flirted with that boy last night to make you jealous.” 

“I still don’t understand…” 

“I realized a long time ago that my feelings for you were more than just friendship or a quick fuck. You never seemed to change though, we’d meet our friends for lunch after fucking all night and it was like it never happened. I thought if I pushed you hard enough you’d break, and you always did, but not in the way I wanted.” 

Jeonghan groans, head falling back into the pillows. 

“I didn’t want to make it a big deal because I thought it didn’t mean anything more to you! It killed me inside to hide my real feelings and that you’d sit right next to me and it would feel like we were miles apart. I only felt like we were close when we fucked. I didn’t get why you let me drag you away from every boy who flirted with you in a club, I thought you’d get tired of me eventually.” 

Joshua sighs, “So what I’m gathering from this is that we are both idiots.” 

Jeonghan looks up at Joshua, smiling softly. 

“Idiots… in love?” 

Joshua laughs, “I guess so.” 

Tears well up in Jeonghan’s eyes again, but from happiness this time. Joshua leans over and falls onto his side next to Jeonghan. Jeonghan turns to face him, intertwining their hands before he can second guess himself. 

“So does this mean I can take you out on a date?” 

Joshua raises one eyebrow, “You better.” 

“Do you want to come over tonight?” 

Joshua doesn’t even take a moment to think about it, nodding firmly. 

“Tonight sounds great.” 

Jeonghan giggles, giddy with happiness. Joshua turns to look at the clock on the bedside table and grimaces. 

“I didn’t lie earlier, I really do have to go.” 

Jeonghan scowls, a hint of doubt flaring up in him that is easily aussaged by Joshua squeezing his hand and leaning in to kiss him. It’s soft and chaste, the opposite of what Jeonghan is used to. 

He enjoys it nonetheless and clings to Joshua for a moment after they pull apart, until he manages to wriggle out of Jeonghan’s grip and slip out of bed. Joshua pulls on his clothes and practically races out of the door, leaving Jeonghan alone with his thoughts. Jeonghan considers getting out of bed and making breakfast, but rolls over and falls back asleep again.

~~~~~

Nine hours later he is washed, dressed, and standing in the kitchen as several pans simmer and sizzle on the stovetop. He straightens the collar of his shirt for the nth time, the sound of a knock on the door pulling him out of his thoughts. He feels the slightest flutter of nerves low in his stomach, but he puts on an easy smile as he opens the door.

Joshua’s wide grin when he sees him kicks his nerves into high gear and he swallows past the lump in his throat. It’s just Joshua he tells himself, nothing to be afraid of. Joshua hums appreciatively as he walks into the apartment. 

“It smells great.” 

“Let’s hope it tastes great too.” 

“Oh come on, you aren’t that bad of a cook.” 

“Tell that to Mingyu after I nearly poisoned him with my Mandu.” 

Joshua laughs, running a hand through his hair. 

“Well, it’s a hit or miss sometimes, but I’m sure it will be fine.” 

They bicker back and forth (Joshua insists he’s worth setting out the nice silverware for, Jeonghan rolls his eyes but pulls it out anyway), reminiscing on old stories. 

It’s so easy to be around Joshua and by the time they are both done with dinner Jeonghan is wondering why he ever thought he had a reason to be nervous around him in the first place. Well, maybe he can think of _one_ reason. 

It’s now or never, Joshua isn’t going to say no... hopefully. 

“Hey Joshua,” he says, reaching out across the table to rest his hand on top of Joshua’s. 

Joshua looks up at him, “Yeah?” 

In the dim lighting everything about the younger boy looks soft, from large dark eyes to his mouth, curled up in a small smile. 

“Would you… do you want to be my boyfriend?” 

Joshua’s eyes light up and he turns his hand upward so can loosely intertwine their fingers. 

“Yes, I’d love to.” 

Jeonghan slumps forward in relief, “Great.” 

“Wait, did you actually think I would say no?” 

Jeonghan smiles sheepishly. 

“Uh, kinda? Maybe? No? It just hasn’t quite settled in yet, what happened this morning.” 

Joshua nods, “We’re a bit of a mess, aren’t we?” 

He lets go of Jeonghan’s hand, leaning back in his chair. 

“We’ll figure it out though.” 

“I can drink to that,” says Joshua. Jeonghan raises his glass of wine. 

“And to new beginnings.” 

Half an hour later they are both relaxing on the couch in the living room, dishes haphazardly stacked in the sink and the low buzz of the TV on in the background. Joshua’s cheeks are flushed the slightest shade of pink and his fingers reach up to undo the top button of his shirt, muttering something about it “getting too warm in here”. 

Jeonghan’s gaze dips down, a fading bruise from the night before etched into the side of Joshua’s neck. By the time he tears his gaze away Joshua is looking straight at him. Joshua smirks, tilting his head to his head to the side and showing off the dark mark. 

“What is it?” Joshua says, like he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing. Jeonghan beckons him closer and obediently Joshua scoots forward. Once he is within reach Jeonghan reaches out to curl a hand behind his neck, thumb pressing lightly against the mark. 

“Nothing much, just a reminder.” 

“Of what?” 

Joshua asks, leaning ever so slightly into Jeonghan’s touch. 

Jeonghan scoots forward, “That you’re mine.” 

“Yours?” 

They are as close as they could possibly be without touching, Joshua’s gaze burning into Jeonghan’s. 

“Mine,” he murmurs leaning close and pressing his lips softly against Joshua’s. 

“No one else is allowed to do this,” he says, barely pulling away before kissing him again. His hands reach up and start undoing the rest of the buttons on Joshua’s shirt. 

“Or this…” 

Joshua’s hands push Jeonghan’s away as soon as he’s done, pulling Jeonghan forward until they fall down into the couch. Joshua sighs as Jeonghan starts to press kisses down the side of his neck. 

“Too bad I didn’t go home with tall, dark, and handsome while I still had the chance,” Joshua says and Jeonghan assumes he means the boy he had been flirting with the night before. 

Jeonghan nips at his shoulder in retaliation, “Well too bad, you’re stuck with me now.” 

To drive his point home he moves his head up and starts sucking a new mark over the one from the night before. Joshua whines a little, his voice laced with amusement as he speaks again.

“Ah, just my luck that I get stuck with someone so beautiful and sweet instead.” 

Jeonghan isn’t quite expecting that and he stops for a moment, burying his face in the side of Joshua’s neck in flustered embarrassment. Joshua chuckles, a hand caressing the back of Jeonghan’s head softly. 

“Cute,” Joshua mutters and Jeonghan mentally shakes himself, picking his head back up and reattaching to the side of Joshua’s neck.

Finally satisfied with the mark he’s left behind Jeonghan moves back up to Joshua’s plush lips, while the other boy not so subtly grinds against the leg lying in between his thighs. Jeonghan tugs gently on Joshua’s bottom lip with his teeth and revels in the sweet taste of wine on Joshua’s tongue. 

Jeonghan pulls away after only a moment, Joshua whining and reaching out with his hands as Jeonghan sits up. He rolls his eyes, maneuvering off the couch and grabbing Joshua’s hand to drag him along as well. 

“My first time with my new boyfriend will _not_ be on the couch.” 

Joshua laughs at that, tapping Jeonghan on the cheek fondly and turning to head towards the bedroom. He slaps Joshua’s ass in return, only a step behind Joshua as he tugs off his shirt and drops it on the hallway floor. 

They’ve rid themselves of the rest of their clothes by the time they make it into the bedroom. Jeonghan fishes lube and condoms out of a bedside drawer while doing his best not to succumb to Joshua’s wandering hands, tossing them up near the pillows on the bed. He spins around, pressing Joshua down into the sheets with his hands pinned above his head. 

“Maybe I should bring out the cuffs next time, since you can’t seem to keep your hands to yourself.” 

Joshua just grins up at him, a challenge clear in his eyes. Jeonghan presses firmly down on Joshua’s wrists, satisfied when Joshua keeps them still even after Jeonghan takes his hand away. He trails a hand down Joshua’s chest, Joshua’s torso tensing and arching upwards underneath his touch. 

“Pretty,” Jeonghan murmurs, fingers moving down to sketch random shapes into Joshua’s inner thigh. He doesn’t have the patience at the moment to tease him for long, gently pushing Joshua’s legs up and reaching over for the bottle of lube. Joshua takes a deep breath, doing his best to relax as Jeonghan starts to lightly massage his rim. 

“That’s it,” Jeonghan says, sliding one finger in with ease. He brings Joshua up to two and crooks his fingers downward, dragging them along Joshua’s inner walls. Jeonghan is rewarded by a low moan as he pushes against Joshua’s prostate, reaching up with his other hand to slide his palm along Joshua’s cock where it lies flat against his stomach. 

He circles two fingers around the head of Joshua’s cock, pressing down and moving over his prostate again and again. Joshua arches up into his touch, a staggered chorus of ah ah ah’s falling from his lips. 

He’s so pretty like this, desperate to be touched and fucked, cock flushed red and leaking precum as Jeonghan takes it in his hand. He roughly jerks Joshua off, other hand continuously moving back and forth inside of him. Joshua hardly seems to notice when he adds a third finger, just pleads for him not to stop in between low gasps and moans. 

After only a few minutes Joshua tenses up underneath him, “Jeonghan please please please!” 

“What? Close already baby?” 

Joshua nods and Jeonghan slows down his movements. 

“You were so cocky earlier, but you’re begging for it now. What happened huh?” 

Joshua scowls, breathing heavily. 

“Fuck you.” 

“That’s the plan.” 

Jeonghan pulls both of his hands away, ignoring Joshua’s soft whine as he does so. He reaches over to grab a condom, rolling it over his length. Jeonghan scoots closer, hands fisted in the bedsheets on either side of Joshua as he lines himself up and pushes in. He glances up at Joshua once he finally bottoms out but it’s hard to tell from the other boy’s expression how he is feeling. 

“Doing okay?” 

Joshua’s gaze refocuses on him, lips twitching upward in a soft smile. 

“Yeah, just give me a second.” 

Jeonghan would give him all the time in the world, even try and reverse it if Joshua asked him too. He doesn’t say any of that though, just leans down to press a soft kiss against Joshua’s lips. He’s about to move away when he feels a hand settle on the back of his neck, holding him in place. He doesn’t fight it, their kisses growing more heated as they get lost in the moment. 

Jeonghan moves his hips back and rocks them forward, Joshua moaning loudly underneath him. Joshua’s blissed out expression probably shouldn’t inflate his ego that much considering how many times they’ve fucked, but _he’s_ the one Joshua chose over every other boy he’s even been with. Jeonghan is the only one who gets to hold him now, gets to kiss him and make him cry out in pleasure and he’s just so _happy_. 

He doesn’t need to prove anything but he can’t help but want to make sure Joshua never regrets his decision. It’s that thought that pushes him to angle his hips up a little more so that he brushes by Joshua’s prostate with every slow thrust forward of his hips and to intertwine their hands with a soft smile. 

Despite that he must be holding himself back a bit too much because Joshua looks up at him with those soft wide eyes and says, “I do appreciate the soft and slow lovemaking and I feel very romanced, but…” 

Joshua licks his lips, pushing himself up on one arm and whispering in Jeonghan’s ear like it’s a secret he doesn’t want anyone else to hear. 

“I want you to fuck me _hard_ , think you’re up to the challenge babe?” 

Jeonghan flushes, gently pushing Joshua back down into the sheets. If Joshua wants him to go harder, well then who is he to say no? Jeonghan adjusts his position a bit, hands settling on Joshua’s narrow waist. He takes a deep breath and starts to move again, encouraged by Joshua’s soft moans. He picks up the pace, hips snapping forward sharply. The sound of slapping skin fills the room, Joshua clutching tightly at the bedsheets with both hands. 

“You like that better Shua?” Jeonghan grunts out in between thrusts, panting heavily as he focuses on pouring every ounce of strength into every thrust of his hips. 

“F-fuck yeah,” Joshua replies, clenching down around him in a way that drives Jeonghan insane. 

Jeonghan knows he’s really not gonna last long like this but still he doesn’t let up. His breath hitches as Joshua reaches a hand down in between them to jerk himself off. He looks so breathtaking, arching up into the hand around his cock, the soft sheen of sweat covering his skin making him glow in the dim bedroom lighting. 

Jeonghan can’t take his eyes off him, eyes tracing a path down the long line of his throat and snapping back up to his face as Joshua lets out a loud groan and cums all over his chest and stomach. Jeonghan slows, grinding his hips in slow circles as the heat low in his stomach threatens to burn his skin from the inside out. He only lasts a few moments more, pulling out of Joshua and ripping off the condom. 

He drags his fist up and down his cock in a few quick pumps and finishes all over Joshua’s thighs and stomach with a soft sigh. Jeonghan takes a moment to breathe, fighting the urge to collapse down onto the bed. He trashes the used condom and gets up to grab a damp washcloth from the bathroom. 

Joshua has moved over to the cleaner side of the bed by the time he returns and Jeonghan moves to sit on the edge of the bed, gently wiping the cum and sweat off of Joshua’s legs and chest. He tosses the dirty washcloth in the vague direction of their discarded clothes, climbing into bed and under the covers. Joshua turns on his side to face Jeonghan, blinking sleepily. 

“Hi,” he says, scooting a little closer so that there’s barely an inch of space left between them. Jeonghan hums in reply, too tired to offer much in terms of conversation. He’s not too sleepy to lean forward and capture Joshua’s lips in a kiss though. There’s no heat behind it, just the desire to be as close as possible. When he finally pulls away he takes a moment to just admire Joshua, thinking back to how different things were just the night before. 

“Stay?” 

Joshua smiles, “For as long as you want me too.” 

“Forever sounds pretty good to me.” 

“Forever it is then.” 

It doesn’t take long for them both to drift off after that, curled up against each other, hands loosely intertwined.

~~~~~

Jeonghan awakens slowly, mouth dry and on the verge of a headache. Maybe he had drunk more wine than he thought last night. He blinks, eyes slowly adjusting to the dim bedroom lighting. He rolls onto his side, frowning at the empty space next to him. He lifts his head, the sound of clanging pots and rushing water filtering in through the door.

He flops back down into the sheets, a satisfied smile on his face. He’s well aware it’s not just all a dream, but he’s still happy Joshua kept his promise to stay. The thought of a cuddly Joshua probably dressed in Jeonghan’s sweats (and breakfast) pulls him out of bed a moment later. After a shower and a change of clothes he’s feeling a lot more awake, tiptoeing into the kitchen and slipping an arm around Joshua’s waist from behind. 

“Oh, hi.” 

“Morning, what’s on the menu today?” 

“We still have some rice and meat left over from last night and I’m cooking up some eggs right now,” Joshua says, gesturing to the pan in front of him with his spatula. 

Jeonghan hums happily, his stomach growling at the scent of cooking food. Joshua giggles at the noise and Jeonghan blows softly on the back of his neck, letting him go to grab a glass from the cabinet above Joshua’s head. He sips on a glass of water and leans against the counter, just watching Joshua cook. He’s in the middle of contemplating if sleeping in more often will get Joshua to make breakfast on a regular basis when the boy in question speaks up. 

“Any plans today?” 

“No, why? Have anything in mind?” 

“There is a small carnival that just opened not far outside the city, it has a ferris wheel and everything.” 

“So it’s a date then?” 

“Yeah… it’s kinda funny you know. I went to the fair almost every year when I was little, but I’ve never been to one since I moved to Korea.” 

Jeonghan smiles softly and mentally tucks that bit of information away so he can coo over it later. 

“Well I’m sure it’ll be just as fun as you remembered and we can do stupid couple things like win each other plushies and kiss on top of the ferris wheel.” 

Joshua turns around and scrunches his face up in disgust at Jeonghan, but at the same time his cheeks turn a little red. Jeonghan knows Joshua is a sappy guy at heart and probably really likes the idea of a romantic carnival date. At that moment Jeonghan resolves to win Joshua a million and one plushies if it means it’ll put a happy smile on his face. After the mess they’ve put each other through Joshua definitely deserves to be properly romanced. 

“It’s ready,” Joshua announces, scooping the still sizzling eggs out of the pan and onto two plates. On second thought, plans of grand romance can wait until he’s eaten breakfast. As Jeonghan looks up into Joshua’s smiling face he happily realizes there really is nowhere he’d rather be in this moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Absolutely canon: jeonghan covers his face in kisses every morning and they are disgustingly in love for the rest of their lives  
> This was simultaneously super fun and super painful to write  
> Also I think my brand is Horny but /Soft/ I am just a romantic at heart I can't help it  
> title from The Calender by P!AtD
> 
> Thanks for reading, please leave a kudo or comment if you enjoyed! I'll try to get to the rest of the 2ji really soon I promise<3
> 
> come say hi on [twt](https://twitter.com/nightsofsilver)


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